badgerbag

at squid's house

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 06:48:33 GMT

Not one minute goes by without interruption from a kid! Wow! I have to sneak off every so often and regain my composure. Moomin and I have been reading long bits of Dr. Dolittle's Circus at bedtime. He's been playing well with Iz and Mali, and warily stays clear of L. I had a funny moment where I spelled "croissant" and Squid answered cryptically "He already had one". Leelo understood perfectly what we were talking about. That was an eye opener; some of it was context but I also suspect he saw through the spelling. The atmosphere while somewhat chaotic is punctuated by specially developed routine which I find fascinating and running through it all... Squid's quick and dry wit flashing out in the middle of her long explanations to the girls who poke at her to provoke it and then are hypnotically fascinated as they try to decipher whether they're being made fun or not and what information is encoded within (often very complex, just beyond them, which is like candy to their intelligence.) and L. who incredibly trusts her through the times when he is clearly very frustrated. I like the peaceful moment when she plays the totoro theme on a little recorder or flute to him at bedtime (which i only hear from below since the long run of stairs and then hallway after it daunt me) I think I managed not to say anything dirty or bohemian in front of Squid's mom today but it was close.

As Moomin was drifting off to sleep i said "I'd like to take your Dragonology book... I'm going to read it in the bath while eating cake. Gosh, I love being a grownup." Oh the outrage! He thought it was very funny after I explained it was a kind of cake he didn't like.

For his brochure about the human body and its various Systems I suggested several funny ideas - like illustrating it with tiny talking organs a la Cricket magazine - which he rejected until the one where it was a brochure written by aliens for other aliens on the care and health of human pets. He is very worried that Ms. F. would not like it. I swear... that school! Of course they like a creative idea. I don't usually pepper him with suggestions for such things, but hey. If he takes it and runs with it, great. Otherwise hands off! It's not my project!

This Saturday his dance class is performing in the "hometown holiday" parade which is our town's attempt to bring some holiday shopping action into downtown -- the 4th of july parade is very popular here. There's a street market, a field of snow, a parade (where we used to just join since it isn't all that formal) and incredibly great little fireworks *right next to the library*. It is hard for me to stick with the fireworks part from a wheelchair in an enormous crowd in the street but we'll figure out a spot and stick in one place off to the side. I think the spot under the giant tree by city hall should be okay. I'm going to bring Iz to the parade to give her mom a break. Keeping in mind she's working like 30 hours a week.

I worked today from Main St. (having wormed out the password) & had a very good cosy chat with M. about our lives. She's very interesting! We have some similarities that I didn't expect. When I go there I think of the role I played at my co-op as I would run a cooking crew and bring out bowls of steaming food in a motherly way. Though for me it was just dabbling in a role and for her it seems to be the history of her life and of course, her business for years.

Tomorrow I think working from my sister's house! She is sewing a million spats or something for her bazaar! and i will set up selenium and run test tests. Then haul ass back here to pick up M. and take him to dance lesson if he isn't too tired from the "Lap-a-thon". He will make $10 per lap with pledges from a bunch of us! Last year he ran 18 laps.

I feel a little more fired up to blog but am emotionally really strange and a bit messed up. Moomin steadies me though. It is very cheering to be here. if i were staying much longer I would buy that 50 foot ethernet cable and plug in my airport express so i could have internet in bed.

Walking pretty decently, especially today - I walked through a store, and stayed off my cane almost all the time in the house even though it's a huge house, with a few periods of lying down when my leg started being horrible. I think it helped that the weather was amazing. I picked Moomin up right after school so he could play on the back porch, trampoline, and explore the yard while I worked on the porch. It was nice to be here in daylight.

The view this morning as the sun came up across the bay ... spectacular. Moomin mused about the sun looking like a huge egg yolk.

But I will never like dogs.

A cool work-related thing

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:56:45 GMT

This digital strategist job description lists our conference as one of the important ones to go to. Nifty!

Well, only nifty if you're in this industry, but it seems like a very cool mark of how well we're regarded.

I was just looking at the original call for editors from 2006 and thinking how far the company has come!

The finches of renown

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 20:50:34 GMT

Little house finches are coming regularly to the birdfeeder now... I looked them up in "iBird" and thought about how the pleasure of experience is enhanced by looking things up and identifying them and listening to fake birdsong. Not a new thought but it's solidified for me in that reality feels more real for me when it matches some kind of cultural product or then inspires one. We then looked up chaffinches and Zond7 claimed robins in England have a different color red than robins in North America.

Read more bits of Cervantes. I am up to the windmill chapter. The book discussion and book burning chapter was hilarious. Thought of Mark Twain. Now I want to read Twain again. When I was little I read all his novels I could find and an enormous "Twain" volume with all his short stories.

Reading The Frenzy of Renown which is completely fantastic. I kept wanting to type up bits of it, but if I had, it would have ended up being the entire Introduction copied into my journal. Here's one little bit, though, that made me think of blogging and bloggers.

The dream of fame in Western society has been inseparable from the ideal of personal freedom. As the world grows more complex, fame promises a liberation from powerless anonymity. In search of modern fame, we often enter a world of obvious fiction, in which all blemishes are smoothed and all wounds healed. It is the social version of a love that absolves the loved one of fault, restoring integrity and wholeness. Those whose fame depends least on anything specific are, in an image-conscious world, the most likely to be emulated. To be famous for yourself, for what you are without talent or premeditation, means you hve come into your rightful inheritance. To be compared to Farrah Fawcett required only hair. In the face of fragmenting social demands, fame creates its own ettiquette, allowing the famous to be themselves in a way no one else can afford to be, and to be accepted into a mystic community of other famous people, a psychic city of mutual respect for each other's individual nature.

The dedication was touching - after thanking many people Braudy says "Although I began the work when both my parents were alive and vigorous, neither has lived to see its completion. But their loss impresses on me still more the feeling that writing this book has nurtured: In the heart of aspiration is the desire for recognition by those whose approval is unconditional and therefore need never be sought, but also can never be assumed."

I am halfway through reading "The Good Divorce" which is good, but painful to read and think about. It seems very useful for adults whose parents are divorced too.

My weird skin problem cleared up with amazing swiftness. I thought it was allergic-y, like eczema or psoriasis or contact dermatitis but it turned out to be tinea versicolor

I am thinking about Moomin a lot and thinking over what to do.

Meanwhile I have helped to light a pilot light, cooked stew, gotten a most beautiful massage from hazelbroom, and read these excellent posts:

* A child abuse survivor's guide to the holidays by Grace Davis

* A fucked up Peaches concert indeed. (Triggery?)

* Patrick Stewart talks about his dad beating up his mom, and asks for people to speak out against domestic violence.

* Arcologies, Arcosanti, and hypothetical lilypad cities

* Actual attempt to breed a red heifer. OMG.

Anomie and mittens

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:59:22 GMT

Spent yesterday at yatima's house slightly tuned out of reality. Moomin read comic books and the kids all colored dragons and sea monsters with my watercolor pencils. Dinner fabulous and I managed to eat a little of everything despite the return of stress-related stomach pain. As long as it is fairly small quantities I do okay. Moomin and C. and Zond-7 and I played "I doubt it" which is the card game where you cheat and lie a lot. Then I took MOomin to Squid's house where we met Rook and my sister & her family. Squid just nicely agreed to host us all and add us to her extended family dinner. Can never thank her enough for that. Mostly again Moomin read a lot of comic books but I think it was good for him that we were all there and must surely be reassuring on some level. I had a hard time being there, very stressful, but dealt with it & then left, handing off Moomin for the weekend. I continue wondering what on a practical level we will do. The main thing for me is that I need to make a plan about finding a place to live. My thought is to look hard for a place within walking distance of our house and Moomin's school if I possibly can, as cheap as possible . I don't feel afraid really that either of us will be jerks about custody, money, or things, and trust us both to take good care of Moomin and be supportive of him. I mostly worry about Rook having emotional support and how he will cope. Personally I'm doing okay but with a lot of sadness and some being freaked out. at worst, I feel like a ghost. And very guilty. It seems to me that making decisions quick about moving might be a bad idea and too fast moving, so I'm holding off there, kind of in a holding pattern.

I am reading a book called "The Good Divorce" by Constance Ahrons which my new therapist said was a bit old but extremely good. I'm finding it good and very useful.

My friend Grace wrote a fantastic post, by the way: A child abuse survivor's guide to the holidays. She lists specific strategies and techniques that people might find useful.

Don't really know what to do with myself this weekend. The physical/emotional stress of yesterday means I want some down time. I think bed, gentle stretching, maybe massage? blogging a little, reading this divorce book, reading Don Quixote in Spanish, maybe re-organizing and moving my old typepad blog to my own server to be archived in WP. If I perk up physically i'd like to go over the bridge and hang out with my sister. I should probably talk with my parents some more. I'm on a half-a-very-low-dose of Zoloft to cope with the overwhelming feelings of panic that I was having the last few weeks. It's helping and I think will be very temporary. It feels like a tiny bit of insulation between me and some core of feelings. Helpful for now but not very comfortable for the long run, like wearing mittens.

What I really need right now

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 06:59:36 GMT

is to go watch all the times when the Ood were referenced, EVER

ALSO

(spoiler)

I really need fic where Adelaide goes off with the Doctor. Why not a whole season! OMG! She needs to come back! We didn't actually see her dead, except on the inexplicably-like-a-web-pagey thing that seems to be inside the Doctor's mind! Flash of light could have been anything... she could still show up! Right? Right!?

Dr. Who Waters of Mars episode - spoiler questions

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:06:38 GMT

A whole lot of awesome and some ARRRRGH

First of all... was really really exciting and good and scary and, MARS!

SPOILERS BELOW

Unnecessary sexist moment: the Doctor saying to Yuri "Take care of her" or whatever. Oh come on. WTF. They both look like they're 12 years old.

ADELAIDE WAS SO AWESOME WHY WHY WHY can the strong female captain characters not survive and evolve in their roles and characters and just be awesome! No... those strong successful driven ambitious career women who are like 60 and at the peak of their career... ON MARS... have to sacrifice themselves for a future generation of women... STILL. For no fucking good reason! I'm like, pull the fucking gun on him and use that to get in the fucking TARDIS! DO NOT... but no... OMG!

Morning

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:48:36 GMT

went out for coffee - then alternately laid in bed reading and helped A. make various craft projects from a book. The project today is mostly about terrarium-style gardens in flat cardboard boxes. I also rousted myself up to make romper-stompers out of plastic soup tubs, a bathrobe sash, and a tie.

Am going to now go thru current notebook and pull out the poem drafts. This week, I want to go through lots of past notebooks and just throw them away. LOTS of them.

Mrs. Edgeworth

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:20:52 GMT

Wow, I can't believe I've never read anything by Maria Edgeworth before! So good! I'm tearing through Belinda which I stole from yatima last night. It's fantastic!

By page 25 I was almost in tears and deeply involved with Lady Delacour's situation, and Belinda's. Lady Delacour explained her life and marriage to young Belinda. She's 36 years old, was originally in love with Mr. Percival, but in the process of provoking him to jealousy, ended up marrying Lord Delacour, amiable, a bit foolish, and thus (she thought) easy to boss around. They fought and spent all their money - Lady Delacour's best friend Harriet Freke, bold and dashing, doing things like going to Parliament in men's clothes etc, ended up betraying her - Lady Delacour fought a duel (also in men's clothes) with Lady What's-Her-Name, her arch-rival, and the gun exploded or recoiled and injured her breast (or she just happened to develop breast cancer soon afterwards, it's unclear). Meanwhile, she knows she's going to die soon from the breast problem, she's horribly unhappy, and wants to be admired and feel flirted with etc for the rest of her life. She begs Belinda to stay with her till her death. It's amazing!

I won't go on because it would be too spoilery. Things have gotten complicated!

And there are certainly lots of men involved - and romance - But so early on in the book, the drama centers around the relationships of women to each other. That's incredibly pleasing.

People in novels are always talking about reading Mrs. Edgeworth so I've been curious about her for years. I've found a good Christmas present for my mom, I think! She'd love this book!

Puppets for the paupers!

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:18:46 GMT

Not enough sporks in the whole wide world...

You want to read it! You know you do!

flyer behind the cut, with complete transcript!

(flowery scrolly graphic)

Please join us Sunday November 15th from 1-5 in the afternoon for the first annual "Puppets for the paupers party"

Did you ever stop to think that old socks and goggly eyes could actually change lives? Join a group of amazing individuals create sock puppets for the homeless

These puppets will provide 3 essential elements for our struggling homeless of SF:

1) A way for them to earn income - if you're going to hold your hand out - chances are you will make a lot more by entertaining
2) A way to warm their hands through the winter months, preventing a bit of frost bitten fingers
3) A person to talk to, ok not a person but something, I imagine it gets lonely out there

The list goes on and on of all the positive effects this program will have on San Francisco. Every kind gesture makes a difference in this world. Due to economic conditions our homeless population is only growing. Puppets for the paupers is not a cure it is a way of shedding hope and laughter into the darkness. Imagine the transformation of energy as people shop this holiday season, passing puppet performances throughout the downtown metro area

Materials and snacks provided, although any donations will be graciously accepted
Entertainment and enlightenment guaranteed!
Any time or effort on your part will make a difference

(address of san francisco apartment)
call brielle at:
(phone number)
(Photo of sock puppet along with more scrolly flowery designs)
You don't want to mis this event! (sic)

She makes very nice pots and little cards but... this is the worst idea ever and it's almost hard to believe the flyer isn't a giant parody.

Candy aftermath

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:08:06 GMT

I thought the "butter" in Butterfingers candy bars referred to butter. A minute after I inhaled that thing I was in trouble! I thought, Oh, i must be on the sensitive side and reacting to crappy chocolate processed on peanut-loving equipment. Then a few not-very-nice breaths later I read the wrapper. Oh shit!

I did albuterol, took benadryl, brushed my teeth, by that point was feeling super awful.I sat back down to do peak flow and got in touch with yatima and minnie over IM just to make sure I didn't panic alone in the house. At the low point was at 275 on peak flow then around 300-350 (normally 550 at least). 350 is uncomfortable and 250 is where I start thinking ER though I can go for a long time at 250. At that point I have a hard time making decisions and am kind of weepy and anxious. Under 350 I don't want to be lying down, it's better to sit up and bend over slightly - it hurts less and is easier to breathe in and be calm. Do other people do that too? I hunch over.

Sooo hunching over the IM, breathing slowly, shaky and anxious, but feeling reasonably on top of it. I have never gone into anaphylaxis though I have seen other people do it. So, confident I could deal. Rook got home and I asked him to bring me my epi-pens - there are two - and leave them with me just in case. Then he went to class. Moomin just read in bed and I didn't tell him anything was wrong b/c I didn't want to freak him out. The benadryl really kicked in... 40 minutes in? something like that.

It's been a while since that happened! Crappy!

I stared at my php code and wrote some notes but didn't get much of anywhere. I have a halfway-working version! It works, but if another person made a mistake, it would break, so I need to build in more bits to compensate.

Maybe an hour and a half later I felt okay and took Moomin to dance class.

Home & to bed.

I just got up and did some housecleaning but that was a mistake, I am wheezing again and concluding that it's not all the way better. More inhaler. More benadryl.

Must call to refill epi-pens tomorrow! The one in my car must be expired too!

That was scary, though.

Air burns going in, but is still very nice.

job posting!

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:00:17 GMT

Entry level techie job! A quote from someone who knows... "nice people, genuinely casual work environment, no internet monitoring or corporate bs, snacks, beer Fridays, the company is doing really well and has not laid off a single person"

Salary is $30k-$40k depending on experience and qualifications, plus benefits, plus stock - at a well funded software start-up (www.3vr.com). This is a great opportunity for a smart, energetic, self-starting person who wants to break into a higher paying, technology oriented job but perhaps doesn't have the right degree or maybe has stopped-out in the middle of a degree program. Major requirements are intelligence, flexibility, initiative, commitment, responsibility, teamwork, and to be clear - intelligence. We are very interested in talking to you if you are bright and fit the profile we've drawn below - we will be asking what your SAT scores were, where you went to school, etc. Positions available to start immediately, initial hourly rate between $15-$20 an hour depending on experience and qualifications; benefits and stock options offered after 4-6 months of successful employment.

We are a software startup of about 50 people located in the SOMA/South Beach area of San Francisco, around the corner from AT&T Park and the CalTrain station. 3VR makes digital video surveillance products for the physical security industry - our product won the "Best New Product of the Year" award at the Security Industry's big trade show in Las Vegas three years in a row! We are a very fun group of bright, energetic technology people – we’re funded by Tier 1 VCs (including Kleiner Perkins and Menlo Ventures), our sales are healthy and increasing every year, and we will be growing substantially throughout 2010 and beyond, so this is a great opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a terrific company.

Responsibilities: A mixture of several of the following tasks (no one person needs experience in or would be asked to do all of these) - software testing and QA, technical support, technical writing, HTML and web development, scripts, software tools, etc. One person who held this position recently had a science degree and good math skills, but no substantial computer science background - he taught himself some programming and a bunch of other useful skills and has moved up quickly in the 3VR world to Software Engineer. Another person who started with this entry level position had a background in academic grant administration and office management - she started out doing technical writing and software testing, worked her way up in the technology organization, and was promoted to Technical Support Manager!

Profile: You are a software and/or hardware enthusiast - you like computers and computer applications - you care about your computer and what's on it. You are organized and thorough and detail oriented. You are a good communicator, you write clearly and quickly. You enjoy learning to use new software applications and tools. You like being around smart, high energy people. You've often wondered what it would be like to have a job where you are surrounded by people you respected and people you could learn a lot from and who were motivated to teach you things and help you move up in the world. You've dreamed of breaking into technology, especially at an awesome start-up, but have been rebuffed (or been afraid you would be) because you don't already have all of the necessary credentials. You are smart, ambitious, high energy, a voracious learner (especially via Googling anything and everything). You know this is the job for you if reading this has made you very excited to meet the people who wrote this wacky job description and to come and see the company and culture they've built together.

Send us a resume and a cover letter explaining why this is exactly the job for you and why you know you'll do great things for us.

job-yqwjz-1460343269@craigslist.org

extremely interesting

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:15:47 GMT

Is Darfur the first Thuraya war

I don't know about the first... But anyway -

"Hierarchical command and control over a dispersed force becomes difficult. "

Yes indeed.

and brilliant comment by Abd al-Wahab Abdalla:

The process you describe is a corollary of commodification and globalization, one of the ways in which a global capitalist system systemically reproduces violence on its periphery. This is frontier capitalism at its extreme, a combination of the latest industrial technologies in the hands of predator capitalists set on accelerated primary accumulation, without the restraints provided by the institutions of state. Once again, Africa gets only the dark side of the dominant global production system.

Ponder & discuss.

a little cheap but i like it anyway

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:17:22 GMT

Okay so first of all why take the wheelchair with you off the bridge? Hahaha! just sit on the edge and shove yourself off. I get the idea that visually he's going for the image of being a "guy in a wheelchair bungee jumping" which is I guess cool in a way but is certainly played for a cheap laugh. Anyway if it were me I'd get out of the chair and schloop myself off the edge. For once, "wheelchair bound" is true since they strap him tightly (imho not tightly enough since you can see him bouncing off it. )

I did laugh my ass off when he yelled "I can't feel my legs!"

Call for subs

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:26:13 GMT

Off the gimpgirl mailing list:

HEADCASE: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, And Queer (LGBTQ)
Writers and Artists on Mental Illness
Edited by Teresa Theophano, LMSW

Headcase will be an anthology comprised of 15-20 nonfiction pieces by
writers and artists both established and new, exploring the theme of
mental health, mental illness, and mental health care in the lesbian,
gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer or questioning (LGBTQ)
community. The book is currently being considered for publication by a
major queer press.

The anthology seeks essays, poetry, and comics by queer consumers of
mental health services or queer individuals who have been diagnosed,
but do not identify as patients, with mental illness. Works should
explore the intersection of queerness and mental health and can
include topics such as psychotropics; Gender Identity Disorder and its
acceptance or rejection as a legitimate mental disorder; conventional
v. holistic treatment; experiences in therapy, groups, and/or
institutions; how race and ethnicity, class, sex, gender identity,
age, and disability impact access to treatment; addiction,
self-medicating, and recovery.

Modest compensation provided upon publication to contributors whose
pieces are chosen.

Guidelines:

* Pieces should be between 750 and 1500 words (approximately 3 to
5 double-spaced pages).
* While the deadline for a 2010 publication date has not yet been
established, submitting your piece by December 1, 2009 is recommended.
* Descriptions of pieces in progress are also welcome.
* Submissions should be sent as a Microsoft Word document,
double-spaced, 12 pt. font, Times New Roman font.
* Please provide a brief (100 words or less) bio with your submission

Teresa Theophano is a licensed social worker, out queer mental health
consumer, and the author of Queer Quotes (Beacon Press, 2004).

Please send submissions/project descriptions to her at
headcase_anthology@yahoo.com

Thanks, evil government

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:44:07 GMT

Recently the federal government subpoenaed news site Indymedia to try to get the IP addresses of everyone who ever visited the site. They claimed they had the authority for that, and to keep the subpoena secret, so that Indymedia couldn't talk about it. Neither were true.

Because Indymedia follows EFF’s Best Practices for Online Service Providers and does not keep historical IP logs, there was no information for Indymedia to hand over, and the government withdrew the subpoena. However, as the report describes, that wasn’t the end of the tale: Ms. Clair wanted EFF to be able to tell the story of the subpoena and shine a light on the government’s illegal demand, yet the subpoena ordered silence. Under pressure from EFF, the government admitted that the subpoena’s gag order had no legal basis, and ultimately chose not to go to court to try to force Ms. Clair’s silence despite earlier threats to do so.

pms?

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:55:40 GMT

i need some kind of iphone app meant for men that reminds them when their girlfriend is pms-ing. that would just about accurately deal with my own relationship with my body and how i forget when the hell i had my period last. the ones for women all seem to be about fertility, which i don't care about!

Feeling like it's never enough

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:24:55 GMT

Finished researching & wrote giant post, decent but slobby. i had more complex thoughts about the ways that cuban journalism venerates dead writers (still thinking of roque dalton and "viejuemierda" poem which takes exactly that concept and eviscerates it, exposes it) i think my past self with more capacity to juggle and etc. might have written that extra bit... on another blog maybe... but my thoughts on dalton will have to wait.

worked on delicious api stuff and read my own php code and re-figured it out, mostly. now i want to rewrite that whole thing. i see how to make it better. the hard part is mostly process, and whether it will behave like the docs say it will. i can test it tomorrow. I need 2 days of tagging to be able to test it right.

met with my new boss to explain some of that.

didn't have to drive to Richmond after all to arrange things, it's going to happen all over the phone. i might go meet with them later in the week or next week. It can happen without my going there.

picked moomin up and took him to dance class. i hate rushing around. he had a good class. i ate dinner and read Liar instead of watching the class or trying to work.

made moomin a half assed dinner and watched some youtube music videos with him. he told me about the Dragonlance books (lol).

did the intro to cs readings, lecture, and homework. it seems perfect, i always feel like i lack the formal education and some kind of understanding or foundation that other people have. it felt sort of triumphal to be doing a class from MIT like a big fuck you to the world... here's hoping i can stick with it but if i can't i could re-join the group doing it in january.

finished reading Liar. a good book! I will give it to lucidyouth! She wants readers and commenters so give her some comments and answer her quizzes!

regretting not posting about the AXIS performance from my notes but i ran out of juice. still tempted to try. but i'm tired.

the poems i didn't type yet... the translation i haven't finished (mala piel, so good!) the poems i want to put together into a book...

i feel lately like i can't do enough but that i'm run ragged. i wish i didn't expect so much of myself. could i just chill, please? but no. i list the things i did in the day and they don't seem like enough. i feel a panicky feeling. i don't want to sleep yet! i'm not done! i want to keep going and do something else.. something magical that would really *count* .. then i realize how bad this train of thought is and am appalled at myself. isn't anything ever enough? i'm so stressed. which means driving myself more and harder to fill up the space and prove something to myself. i feel bad about myself right now and need distraction. and i want to do so many things. i can taste them.. i can see them... i think them out and want to make them real to get them out of my head! the stuff i haven't written over the last week or so is a torment.

other days i might just be like ... meh... i did this one thing. enough! or, that one thing might be doing 1 load of laundry. and i have to be okay with that and make myself deal with it. The memory of those days drives me extra hard.

Dance performance tomorrow

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:08:05 GMT

Hey, does anyone want to go to this event tomorrow night, Sat. 8pm, in Oakland? It looks great and I have a friend dancing in it...

Tickets are available online for $10-22.

there's a review of the company and the show in the NY Times: A Dance Company Mixes Arms, Legs and Wheels.

The lap of a seated dancer is a body part, as exploitable as a shoulder. Or that? A chair on its side, a wheel spinning in the air with a dancer lying across it, rotating slowly and elegantly, a lovely movement impossible without the chair. Or that? As dancers pair off, the partners aren’t simply men or women. Two chaired dancers in a pas de deux, or one in a chair and one on her feet: as if a whole new gender had emerged, these are unfamiliar kinds of flirtation but flirtation absolutely.

Cliques

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:52:09 GMT

If people thought I was being clique-y, would they just say so? I'd appreciate it if that's what anyone thinks, if they'd just out with it.

eta: (I'm saying this b/c on a mailing list people are all complaining about cliquey women being cliquey and yet it's clear they aren't saying anything to the women they feel are excluding them and I'm kind of bugged by this. b/c in this situation my impresison ismore that that "cliquey" women are close friends with each other and thus, interested in each other past interest in strangers and yet aren't unfriendly or mean. yet there is this easily invokable stereotype that women are "cliquey" or "mean girls".)

eta: (Also, I'd like women to be able to say "no, actually i just dont want to talk to you" or to NOT LIKE EVERYONE and that not be evidence of some deep pathology or of women's inherent flaws.)

Discardia - junk and papers

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:49:52 GMT

Last night I had the Discardian impulse. While I waited for my bathwater to run I went through nearly everything in the bathroom cabinet and drawers. There is now a paper grocery bag full of old bottles of lotion & junk like that. To be thrown out.

Bins of junk in front of my file cabinet are now mostly trash (30 min this morning)

File cabinet, you're next.

This makes my day

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 06:49:52 GMT

I leave it to the reader to decide whether the bondage pom poms trump the conversation, earlier in the evening, in which [info - personal] epershand proposed Star Trek: the Italian City-States AU, featuring Vulcan Rome, Earth Florence, Klingon Milan, and Romulan Sicily. Also Sarek as the Pope -- and Amanda as his Florentine mistress -- and Jacobo Kirk the soldier of fortune, with his merry band of brigands, because there is no federation in the Italian City-States. [info - personal] epershand said, "So Spock isn't allowed to be in Rome because it would be awkward, so he's wandering around with Jacobus Kirk. Wait, that should be in the ablative to be in Italian, right?" "I love you," I said. "How do you translate McCoy into Italian?" said [info - personal] epershand.

Oh wait i forgot, women don't write alternate histories!

Jacobo Kirk and his merry band of brigands is so EXACTLY RIGHT!

Fra Marco the jolly, yet crusty and old fashioned, franciscan, i think!

Constructing narratives

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 06:35:45 GMT

At some point I feel this pull to construct narratives of my life or arcs and what things mean and then i just go, no, this is wrong, and doesn't have to be explained and everything is more complicated and only explainable by really enormous epic analysis which isn't going to be understandable anyway. And suspicious that such narratives are both blamey and falsely positioning one's self as innocent which actually only serves to undermine everyone's agency. Even if the construction of such stories is to forestall worse, more agency-destroying and less complicated narratives to explain events over time, it might be better to opt out of explaining it in general. I suspect myself highly of all those tendencies and that there is this core of dishonesty I would like to steer clear of.

Day 2, WFC lobbycon

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:35:52 GMT

Spent another afternoon talking with Timmi in the park. Fabulous. Gossip. Theorizing. speculation. confession. plotted. Intertextuality! Recommended Laxdaela saga. Explained and demonstrated Yuletide. Talked about value vs. status. Took her to the airport. SADNESS. WOE.

Then went to the Interfictions reading to hear Alaya and Tempest. The readings were short! But then a ton of people bought the books so, good. I bought Liar and, embarrassingly, book 6 from House of Night. Met another translator, Edward aka twinkiethekid who he goes to the translation conference that I love that's coming up. Maybe I can work up energy for a short road trip. If I can find someone to crash with in Pasadena or scam my way into someone's hotel room...I miss that conference, i mean I miss the people... and I could really soak up some bilingual poetry readings right about now. they are SO GOOD. I can't take any time off work but I could haul ass down there for Saturday...? thinking!

As I was babbling with naamenblog deep in discussions of vampire boarding schools with psychic cats and deconstructions of being a "skank" and bisexual astrophysicists with gills and women who are soul-bonded with magic gemstone swords and have accidental incest sex with maybe their brother or something, I discovered it is very fun to talk about that stuff in front of nojojojo to get her to give me dubious looks. I don't know why this is, but provoking a dubious look from her started to feel like an exciting sport!

The meta part of the book

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 17:55:05 GMT

From Zzyzack Breakthrough: The Beginning:

Steve frowned. “Bad dreams?” he asked. “That could be it.”

His friend shook his head. “No, no. Nothing like that. Just… a feeling. Like we’re stuck in the middle of some half-assed TV movie on the Sci-Fi channel."

Steve huffed at that as he pulled away from the curb. Maybe you’re not that wrong, he thought.

WFC and so on

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 06:05:11 GMT

I lurked in the lobby for an afternoon at WFC.

But first, Moomin in his costume as a lolcat:

The back of his shirt says "LOL!1!"

At WFC I saw a gazillion awesome awesome people including Naamen, Karen, Nalo, Rachel, Shweta, njs, Tempest, Nora, Alaya, Annalee and Charlie Jane, and met Alberto, Chris, Thomas, Felicity (faerie.net? ran away too fast!) and the girl with the awesome hair whose name I can't remember...

Timmi and I sneaked off and talked about the press and books and marq'ssan cycle and people's reactions to reading it, and I told her about geekfeminism, various mailing lists, ephemerisle, seasteading, noisebridge, ADAPT's actions, blogalicious, my job, The Internet IN General, what i'm doing in poetry and so on and thinking about (still Roque Dalton and politics/poetics) and we both talked about what is to be done, relationships, aging and illnesses and health, disability and interdependence, projects, what to write, menopause, New Moon's Arms, the histories of many, many strange and mindfucky conversations, racefail, "book vs. media fandom" which isn't really, and anarchism in science fiction and anarchism in general and cultural changes and movements and attitudes, a recent review of Life by Gwyneth Jones talking about it as a conversation with Joanna Russ, Russ. She recommended Old Mistresses by Poooack & Parker, Nochlin "Why have there been no great women artists", Margaret Ezell (who sounds to have written stuff very relevant to my anthology of latin american women poets and thoughts about patterns of suppression of cultural work by people in non dominant groups). And more. I felt a horrible pang as we had to go our separate ways. I have to just go up and visit soon or something. I need that same sort of conversation but for entire day and surrounded by piles of books and with the internet on.

Nalo recommended Bayou and Alaya recommended Ordinary Princess by Dorothea Dunnett (as she described her prospective or imaginary or prjected British Raj historical drama, and her sailor moon female ejaculation fanfic, about which we shall draw a merciful curtain)

Went to dinner with lots of people at a very delicious ethiopian restaurant called Mudai. spicy! i had ginger tea and collard greens and chicken with spicy sauce and injera and mooched nearly the whole egg off Tempest. if i had known she doesn't like the yolk i would have split it yolk vs. white. now i know. Also, omgwtfbbq the movie she was describing with the product placements totally out of control. i kind of want to see it now just for that. i asked if people at dinner had seen the noir LOTR with Humphrey Bogart as Frodo and they hadn't. So maybe you haven't either. Here it is!