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The open source groper project
How about some buttons to pass out for men to wear, buttons that say "GROPER", "CREEP", or "OGLER"?
I'd love to know who to stay the hell away from.
I thought about flying colors with the hanky code, and how or why that is different and similar, and why I am (was?) good with the hanky code but not with the buttons at a con. Makeup, dressing femmy, as well.
We ALREADY have a signifying device that says it's okay to harass us: our female gender. On top of that, we can further signify our sexual availability by walking around in public.
So, what we have fought for, for hundreds of years, and are still fighting for, is the right to walk around in the public sphere without that public presence signifying sexual availablity. In short the right to appear in public, without being seen as a rape-able slut. That right is fragile and is still under dispute, as you might have noticed as people harass you on the street, as you can see how hard it is to report rape and to get a rape conviction.
Part of how we effect that cultural shift is by legal means and collective action. But, part of that collective action is personal & in our daily lives and it is the mass effort of imagination. We *pretend* we are not commodities. We try to make that pretense real. When enough of us do that, we change our culture and people's expectations. Now, go do some sex work for a while and you will see how it is a pretense. And really, while you are walking around in the street, men are all judging your hotness and their possibility of access, automatically and constantly, because they think they are entitled to sexual access to women at all times.
I see that it is upper class white women who get to pretend this the hardest, and I would like to say that they should not be blind to the fact that it is not freedom, it is privilege and though they might try to extend it to more people, that does not fix the problem.
But, I do hope it helps. We have to both pretend and require and expect -- AND be conscious and face this shit head on. For example, you are not exempt from this commodification, from the male gaze, from rape culture, because you are white and rich and powerful, or because you try to opt out by being butch, or celibate, or lesbian. You are still subject to it, and vulnerable.
Meanwhile, now I see the whole "open source" element and it further pisses me off. It fucking pollutes the lovely philosophy of open source. And adds yet another thing that says "women stay out" to a field where I don't want that to happen. But, what it really does, is it exposes the perpetrator's underlying philosophy that women are a commodity and a public good that they have a right to use. Some women can try to stay proprietary, but the ones who get the approval are the ones who public-domain their bodies. THAT IS FUCKED UP.
We already have sex work and strip clubs and marriage-ownership-contracts, like we need ANOTHER entitlement-inspired social pressure mechanism, more help for cultural hegemony? I don't like censorship therefore i suggest we all mock the hell out of this idea.
****
Note that I just read the original dude's post and actually it is quite interesting. He says it was a matter of it being okay in context. But that he realizes it is not okay necessarily in larger society or a different context. That, I can get, because I think it would compare to the hanky code used in its context, which is known gay/lesbian cruising grounds or a sex party. The guy also recognized that the idea itself was a bit damaging and angrifying to a lot of women (and men) and he apologized. Anyway, interesting.
I'd love to know who to stay the hell away from.
I thought about flying colors with the hanky code, and how or why that is different and similar, and why I am (was?) good with the hanky code but not with the buttons at a con. Makeup, dressing femmy, as well.
We ALREADY have a signifying device that says it's okay to harass us: our female gender. On top of that, we can further signify our sexual availability by walking around in public.
So, what we have fought for, for hundreds of years, and are still fighting for, is the right to walk around in the public sphere without that public presence signifying sexual availablity. In short the right to appear in public, without being seen as a rape-able slut. That right is fragile and is still under dispute, as you might have noticed as people harass you on the street, as you can see how hard it is to report rape and to get a rape conviction.
Part of how we effect that cultural shift is by legal means and collective action. But, part of that collective action is personal & in our daily lives and it is the mass effort of imagination. We *pretend* we are not commodities. We try to make that pretense real. When enough of us do that, we change our culture and people's expectations. Now, go do some sex work for a while and you will see how it is a pretense. And really, while you are walking around in the street, men are all judging your hotness and their possibility of access, automatically and constantly, because they think they are entitled to sexual access to women at all times.
I see that it is upper class white women who get to pretend this the hardest, and I would like to say that they should not be blind to the fact that it is not freedom, it is privilege and though they might try to extend it to more people, that does not fix the problem.
But, I do hope it helps. We have to both pretend and require and expect -- AND be conscious and face this shit head on. For example, you are not exempt from this commodification, from the male gaze, from rape culture, because you are white and rich and powerful, or because you try to opt out by being butch, or celibate, or lesbian. You are still subject to it, and vulnerable.
Meanwhile, now I see the whole "open source" element and it further pisses me off. It fucking pollutes the lovely philosophy of open source. And adds yet another thing that says "women stay out" to a field where I don't want that to happen. But, what it really does, is it exposes the perpetrator's underlying philosophy that women are a commodity and a public good that they have a right to use. Some women can try to stay proprietary, but the ones who get the approval are the ones who public-domain their bodies. THAT IS FUCKED UP.
We already have sex work and strip clubs and marriage-ownership-contracts, like we need ANOTHER entitlement-inspired social pressure mechanism, more help for cultural hegemony? I don't like censorship therefore i suggest we all mock the hell out of this idea.
****
Note that I just read the original dude's post and actually it is quite interesting. He says it was a matter of it being okay in context. But that he realizes it is not okay necessarily in larger society or a different context. That, I can get, because I think it would compare to the hanky code used in its context, which is known gay/lesbian cruising grounds or a sex party. The guy also recognized that the idea itself was a bit damaging and angrifying to a lot of women (and men) and he apologized. Anyway, interesting.
exactly. your slut manifesto leaps right to the forefront of my mind with regards to this. it is such a gross usurption of a beautiful ethos, that it was bound to happen eventually.
i like alibi_shop's acronym - SNAIL for sensitive new age ideological lech. as in slimy, as in easy to kill with a pinch of salt.
http://www.philosophyblog.com.au/the-sl
But the other part of me really does not want to have to even answer the question "can I touch your boobs?" because No, you Cannot. And why would you even think you could?! I feel like I already have to answer that question in the way that I dress, etc. To have to answer it outright as well is just repulsive to me.
Another comment I read about this talked about the name of it...was it open source breasts project? Now I can't remember. But she pointed out that a) things that are open source are "freely made available for use by others". Ick. And b) given that they did try to include dudes as well, why was it the "open source boobs project" rather than the "open source bodies project"?
You don't go around asking women if you can touch their breasts, nor do you start a system of buttons to popularise the whole thing. Fuckwit. This sort of guy seriously lacked a father growing up who'd say, "What? No!" and whack on the back of the head.
This is the sort of thing I expect to read in an Al Bruno III story, not real life.
Re: your inquiry about Boob Patch
Persistent lack of symmetry
Slight sag
As with all open source projects, we depend on users to provide feedback in regards to the effectiveness of the patch. Please send any comments or questions to feedback@boobpatch_project.com
Thank you.
http://blogs.feministsf.net/?p=340
But stand by my rant as well.... of course.
http://the-red-shoes.livejournal.com/12
from saaba:
Beautiful... true...
And I can barely stand to link to t his but it's almost worth it to read scalzi's totally assy post and his goofy commenters just to see Sarah Monette and cofax call him the fuck out. (Will gladly give Scalzi and co. their own "LET ME EXPLAIN IT TO YOU" button.)
By “folks,” John, you mean “men.”
- S. Monette
hahahaahahahaa so great
Endless awesomeness in this whole discussion.
"My body does not exist in the binary of SOME GUY'S ACCESS TO IT. Test me and I will fuck you up."
Yes. This.
I think the one good thing to come out of the Make Women Uncomfortable Project has been the incredible proliferation of well-articulated, righteously pissed-off feminist blog posts like this--and each one (that I've seen) has shed light on a slightly different aspect of the Not Okay.
http://www.journalfen.net/community/unf
This has me rolling...
http://theferrett.livejournal.com/10876
I'm going to quote it all in case the guy deletes again.
The Open Source Stupid Project*
(Anonymous)
2008-04-22 03:47 pm UTC (link) Track This
"This should be a better world," a friend of mine said. "A more honest one, where reflexive actions aren't shameful or degrading. I wish this was the kind of world where say, 'Wow, I'd like to punch you for being so stupid,' and people would understand that it's not a way of saying that you have no right to your own opinions, but rather a way of saying that you have a very detailed argument, but your argument makes me want to kill kittens."
We were standing in the hallway of [insert generic convference name], about nine of us, and we all nodded. Then another friend spoke up.
"You can punch me," he said to all of us in the hallway. "I have lots of offensive opinions that I justify by appropriating only the tenets of rational movements that will support my stance."
Now, you have to understand the way he said that, because it's the key to the whole project. The spirit of everything was formed within those nine words - and if he'd said them sullenly, as though he was only allowing this because of internalized self-hatred, the Open-Source Stupid Project would have died aborning. But he didn't. His words were loud and clearly audible to anyone who walked by, an offer made to friends and acquaintances alike.
Yet it wasn't an invitation to a fight, either. There wasn't that undertow of desperation of come on, punch me, I need you to initiate a conflict so that I can act out my aggression. There was no promise of anything but simple catharsis.
We all lined up, eager to vent our rage, fists clenched. And lo, we punched his face - the impact made us feel a little better about all of the idiocy around us. His face was stupid, worthy of being punched.
And life seemed so much simpler.
In this moment, all of the societal restrictions had fallen away, and we discovered an eBay-like need: We liked to express disdain for his stupidity, and he was stupid enough to let us. It wasn't a one-way flow; it was natural selection in action.
It could have been disgusting bullying, but this was for a good cause. We were being open about feelings that didn't need to be kept locked away.
We stood there afterwards, a little shocked. Then someone else spoke up in the same tone of voice:
"You can my face, too."
And my God! We all reached out like zombies trying to break through a door to get to punch those chauvinists. And it wasn't getting any worse! We weren't degenerating into an brawl, but rather exploring the amazement of how beautiful this retribution was and how wonderful it was to have access to it. Nobody was trying to break a bone or cause serious injurty; we'd been given access to a very special satisfaction, and why would you be so crude as to try to push the boundaries of that?
And every bigot in that hallway was then asked the question: "May I punch your face?" They considered, and said yes. And we all did.
And my Lord, I'd had experience in a few fights in my time, but having so many compared right next to each other was beautiful. One of the reasons I love punching is because every idiot is so different, and the differences in delusions, and rationalization, and proselytizing, and attitudes - attitudes were a big deal in how a punch felt - were shut down. It wasn't like the punches blurred together; they were all each beautiful in their own way. With each punch, we appreciated the last ones even more.
We went back to some of the first open-sourcers, eager for comparison. "Can I punch you again?" "Sure!" And the beatings continued.
I felt the terrors of high school washing away from me. It could be this easy. Just ask!
Okay, I'm not actually, but I feel he deserves it. Two utterly baffling and offensive concepts that just cry out to be force fed into each other. The image that leaps into my mind is the scene in the fantastical dream at the end of Brazil when Tuttle crosses the sewage pipes with the air intake pipes of the HVAC specialists in Lowry's apartment.
When you walk down the street, do you not look at pretty men? Do you not objectify the people around you in much the same way that men do?
I'm so tired of the argument that men objectify women, when the truth is that people objectify the world around them, regardless of gender.
Is it just a small part of life, or is a major part? Do you feel you can say no?
Here Down Under recently it's come out as a significant issue in high schools:- there are schoolgirls feeling obliged to give handjobs to schoolboys, so they'll fit in and no-one will call them "frigid"; but at the same time if they get licked out they're called a slut. And no schoolboy feels obliged to give handjobs to schoolgirls, nor will his mates think badly of him if he gets a blowjob.
So the obligation and the judgment is one way. It's not all happy and equal as you're describing it.
When the feeling of obligation and the judgment is one way, we call that "oppression". Now, sure - girls grow up into women and become assertive and can say no like they couldn't when they were younger. But often some of that sense of obligation, of not wanting people to think they're a prude, it stays.
So when Ferret Fatbeard was asking to touch girl's boobs, a significant number of them would have felt unable to say no.
Plus, it's just inherently wrong to walk around asking to grope people's bodies. It's bad manners. WRONG. The guy probably picks his nose at the dinner table, too.
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