badgerbag

This doesn't excuse what she did, but I've struggled with body image issues and an eating disorder since age 11, so I definitely can sympathize with this.

If she's reading, I really do hope that she seeks treatment. This is a horrible disease that can kill people.

thank you for doing this - this is the first response I've seen that actually improves my faith in people.

Like I said, she needs to start the conversation by making a post on her journal (and perhaps elsewhere in spaces which are WisCon linked) apologising for her actions unreservedly. She has done so in a small way, within the comments section of an unrelated post, but I don't think she has really apologised sufficiently to start the healing process for those that she vilified.

Perhaps someone from the community could link her to discussions such as this one, and the others being had so that she can be made aware of the results of her deeds. At the moment, all Im getting is that she got caught, but she's not that sorry.

*honours you and wishes someday to be as you are*

I'm sad she's cut herself off from the fat-positive/Health at Every Size movement, because some of the best writing I'm seeing about recovery from eating disorders is out there in the fatosphere.

I'm grateful I've had the strengthening influence of eleven Wiscons under my belt, because the only time I was sniffly after the attack started on us was knowing how many truly awesome people have my back. When I was Rachel's age, I would have been in a puddle of despairing tears.

I'll work on sending her compassion so that she can learn from all this.

I just want to say that, right here, you have restored my faith in the possibility of human goodness. Your compassion is a river.

Randomly, why DO people always seem to choose to savage the very people who could and probably WOULD give them real love and help and acceptance?

I mean, because they're clinging to their dysfunction with both hands, yes. I know. *sigh*

Huh. I am selfishly stealing this entire thing to use as character motivations in writing. :) Silver lining, ahoy!

The really sad thing is that a lot of the fat positive peeps I know (like the fantastic sheana) are in it for people of all body types to be accepted.

This makes a whole lot of sense, really, overall. Not that I should analyze someone else's motivations. It makes me very worried, like you. I just don't know the best way to help without being overwhelmingly pretentious or misunderstood.

I think you are a very wise person!

If you want to reach out to her, which might be a wise thing to do, I can help by seeing what corners of SA she lurks around in. If you think that'll help.

Hey, thanks for posting this.

It was not until I read this post and had a palpable wave of... some unidentifiable (positive) emotion come over me, that I realized what the discussion was missing: some sense that this girl is a real person who has some real, serious problems. Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention. I hope that you post something in the main Wiscon community so that people who haven't come to your journal get this information, too.

Up until I read your post I was talking with my roommates (who were also at Wiscon) about what could have brought her to do what she did and coming up with very little. I said something like: "OK, so maybe she came to this con and went to the fat panels solely for the lulz of posting them on SA... no wait, that doesn't make sense. She wouldn't go to THAT much trouble. Maybe she is hating herself because she is attracted to a fat person or she is upset that someone she's attracted to is dating a fat person instead of her." None of my thoughts really rang true though.

I probably should have thought of eating disorders. It makes this whole thing make a lot more sense. Though just in case, I do want to clarify that I'm not defending Rachel's actions or suggesting that having an eating disorder is an excuse for doing fucked up shit to other people.

Rachel is far from the only person on the planet who's ever posted something offensive and/or horrible on the internet, only for it to come back and bite them. But what she did was many times worse than most people's internet screwups, IME. Many of us, especially when we were new to the internet, or new to online journaling, or just because we were thoughtless and immature at the time, or whatever, we just offend one or two friends or acquaintances after posting something that violates their privacy or is untrue or otherwise offends them, and we have the chance to apologize, to take our posts down, and learn what we did wrong, in a smaller context. But Rachel offended a community several thousand strong, with a large, well-connected, and formidable online presence, many of whom have access to her offline via her school. I can't help but find myself looking back at the times I've posted things I later came to regret on the internet and feeling a sense of relief that nothing I did was at this level of magnitude. Even without the real-life aspects, and without losing friends, the lessons were bitter ones that I will never forget. I can't even imagine how it must feel to be Rachel right now. If she somehow *isn't* learning from this, there is something more wrong with her than I can even begin to fathom.

Like others have posted, I also hope she starts a thread in her own LJ to apologize and own up to what she did and start to work through it. From reading her posts about her eating disorder, it makes me hopeful that she does have it in her to examine herself and ask for help.

Again, thanks.

I admire your compassion. I still lack it, though. Sucks for her, but she still fucked over my damn con.

you know, i know exactly what you're feeling, because I'm feeling ti too, based on this information. but I am still feeling more that she needs to be called out and shamed. and I want to do so not on the basis of anything but what she did and said. of course I know that in the mind of someone who has an eating disorder, it can get twisted. still. Still. I just can't get up enough compassion not to call her out all over the internet.

Thanks for posting this.

The problem with bad behavior is that it's almost never done by monsters, but by real people who are more like us than not.

If I were her mother I'd kill her. Since I'm not her mother, I have to wonder what on earth could make a person take so much trouble to do something like this, and the answers are all disturbing. For her sake as well as everyone else.

One thing that gets me is how she knew about the con in the first place, and made a sacrifice of time and money to attend it, if there wasn't something in her that felt at home there or otherwise took an interest in it. It seems like there might be backstory there. Not that it excuses her at all. Saying "X said something to offend me and blah, blah, blah" is one thing, as is "i hatez wiscon"; taking identifiable photos of people goes to a whole new level.

Again one wonders what sort of personal investment in Wiscon is bringing on that much bile. Nobody forced her to go there. It's tempting to think someone put her up to it and she did it to be cool, though of course that too is no excuse. (I could imagine an antifeminist friend learning of her interest in the con and pressuring her to renounce it.) Or that she had some sort of bad experience at Wiscon that inspired a very vindictive response.

This might be reading too much into it on my part, but one does wonder.

BTW, according to the hypersurfaces LJ she is a to-be-married lesbian and a feminist in addition to being from Wiscon. There may well be some backstory.

This is a very generous post. And not condescending at all, I don't think.

After the things she said about mysel, my son, and many people at Wiscon who are part of my fannish family, I am struggling with the idea of forgivness and compassion. Sure, I hope she find the help she needs and this community can heal, but this is not something I will forget anytime soon.

It's not surprising in the end that she has ED issues on some level. there is always sadness at the root of anger. I'm sure she will deal with her sadness/anger just like those she offended at Wiscon will deal with theirs. I wish the object of her attacks this weekend were those that actually hurt her- not those she imagines are offending her by her very existence. Whatever...

You are made of awesome and set a good example.

Thank you so much for posting this. I've stayed on the sidelines for now, in no small part because I'm new to this community, and also because I'm still sniffy. :)

For my small part, I'd much prefer reaching out, even with her imperfect apology, over driving nails into what could end up being her personal cross of martyrdom over this issue. Beyond all else, she's clearly, to my mind, looking for attention, for approval, and like many people like that, it's mindful who gives her that attention, and how it's presented. People can, and will, change, if proper attention is provided.

But there is a lot of rightful anger to work through, first.

I run an eating disorders awareness and education site that also addresses issues of fat rights and weight-based discrimination (www.the-f-word.org). In light of the eating disorder revelation, I wonder if perhaps Rachel's hatred of fat people stems from her innate fear of becoming fat herself. This is so sad because any encouragement of this hatred only serves to engender her eating disorder. Still, I caution folks not to entirely sweep away the ramifications of Rachel's actions and blame beneath the carpet of mental illness. Eating disorders are not a choice and are a mental illness, but we also need to hold people accountable for deliberate actions which pose a significant detriment and harm to others. Otherwise, we only risk enabling the problematic behaviors and disorder.

My perspective, having had a bad interaction with her *before* the Con, is rather different, I guess. And also having been on the short end of this stick before. I am more than aware that most fat-hating statements that get flung at me stem from the flingers' own self-hatred, that it's their issue, not mine.

Nonetheless. Act like an asshole, get treated like an asshole.

I don't feel particularly angry. I feel...implacable.

You are a good person, Liz. In this whole mess, I have an enormous store of admiration and affection for your way of coping. And yes, if it is a way of coping, it is a very good way.

I wish I knew how to approach this person, but the glimpses I have seen of her make me think that she is scarily sick and doesn't have the intellectual and cultural tools yet to deal with it. I know when something is beyond my ability.