I woke up a little late, but time enough for toast and coffee before my meeting. Boss and other sorta manager didn't show up. I ran the meeting and it was fun. Felt that I brought a little warmth into it and also managed to get other people talking with each other rather than a feeling of meeting runner/ boss eliciting responses/statuses. It is a tough crowd (everyone nice, but somewhat demoralized by situations). Felt good about that. Did not feel bogus. Then contacted a few people privately afterwards to do followup or make sure they got what they needed. I did a few things that didn't take a crapton of concentration.
C. showed up a bit late but it was ok. The plan was to try out her driving me to PT at the pool today. The pool has been closed for about a month. I did go do a little mild moving around in the JCC twice and I do my PT exercises every day at least once. Still I figured a 3+ hour scooter, bus ride, scootering, PT and back again would wipe me out. It also would serve as a scouting trip to see how driving there would work out, if I can drive again, which I hope I can. The drive took around 15 minutes. Maybe a bit more. (It takes an hour for the bus + scootering.) She realized on the way she had left her fancy vaccuum cleaner in her building lobby. So went back to get it and then picked me up. Our plan was if there was lots of traffic she would call me and I could just take the bus.
There is parking on the same level as the pool. So I could in theory drive there with the manual wheelchair. Much easier in some ways than scooter + bus. If my driving leg (and hands/back) can do it. Anyway, PT felt great. I got some good advice on my knee difficulties. There were two very nice new people. It was mary's last week that her insurance will pay. I will miss her, she is super nice. Not mega chatty but nice. I felt for A. who was there for the first time and clearly in pain hell and trying not to cry. I was going to ask her if we could give her a ride or how she was getting home. But should have asked in the pool. I waited for her in the locker room a while but she was clearly trying to get dressed in one of the bathroom stalls. I really felt for her. Like how was she managing in there to get on a shirt?????? Jesus. Not well, I can say that much. Anyway, I liked her. In the way of just respecting someone's private everest climbing and trying not to cry moment. LIke you want to let them know you respect it or are there with them but not in a way that's like intrusive. Impossible unless over time, sometimes. PT guy super nice, super competent, continues to impress me on all levels.
My knees are a little wobbly because I am walking better. This is familiar phase of leg rehabbing. Must not fuck up my knees. I am excited though. Really must not. Asked for advice. PT guy familiar with this. Looked at what I was doing. Said I need to not just think about core (hard enough..... ) but consciously tighten quads, glutes, all leg, while moving (holding onto side of pool, gentle leg lifts to side, not far up, just using hte muscle) I could do the side lifts fine but the knee I was standing on then in pain. Thinking about tightening everything worked. I pictured it all like all like a girdle of muscles around my knee holding it together. Will practice this somehow more. In bed. The squats in the pool also help. I can visualize things more. Cannot do them out of pool. A little bit with "sit to stand" exercise. Which, embarrassingly, is just standing up out of a chair, which over time I have come to do in a very "adaptive to back pain" way which is incorrect and destabilizes everything more. Basically, I have not only forgotten how to walk "correctly" and use my muscles together, I have forgotten how to get up out of a chair. Grrrrrreat. Clearly, if I can keep doing them, squats = magic, for all of this.
Felt invigorated by everything. Exercise! ! ! ! ! While waiting for C. in the parking lot I had a good moment of extra enjoyment on a park bench in the sun. A young mom talked to me about dying her hair. They were having a pirate picnic. I thought fondly of the coffee in the boring toddler playground days and their weird pace. Then I got a DM from sandra. The movie trailer is out!! whoa! I am in the trailer! D. is in the trailer! it is noisebridge,and our tiny living room office. Cool! The trailer is good!
Trigger warning: sexy naked ladies in the trailer as well as scenes of violent protest and me in my Hackmeet tshirt in noisebridge, being interviewed (unaware that horrible WV is just out of frame in the DJ booth having a nap, in his special sunday fake trolly christian suit or whatever the hell was going on then, until after the interview when he popped out of the booth looking owly and sleepy) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSMKXg0qSpU
The trailer got across some of the sense of what it was like to be aware of and be following the events of the Arab Spring from north america at the time and what it is like to fall in love over the internet, how internetty everything was, but non-boringly (a few of those "typing in passwords" montages, which for me were specially intense because i spent hours staring at those blog screens) Considering how much of revolution takes place in our imaginations -- while there is an immediate physical reality, if people weren't sharing an imagined world or reality then they would not join a revolution. This is corny but of course love is the same way. I feel the movie will not pull its punches about people romanticizing revolutions, distant oppression they are not experiencing physicallly, or love.
D. texted me to say his laptop broke and he is coming home. Luckily yesterday he JUST put together a sort of zombie back-up laptop. In case of this very thing.
You can see already it was a lively day full of interest and people.
C. picked me up. Home in 15 min. If not for the vacuum cleaner I could nearly have gotten to my other meeting at 1:30. We got back just as Revolt was about to leave. So he parked his scooter (he has a copy of my garage door opener) and came on up. I babbled about the movie thing and we all lined up on the couch to watch the trailer. OMG!
Revolt and I then babbled some more about music. He played me a song that was tru and eileen singing together about sisters. I got all teary. When I heard her song on the blacklivesmatter mixtape I thought immediately she and eileen would like each other and had compatible singing powers and taste. Now they are composing songs together. I am very excited. I would listen to just their rough cut from the living room fooling around. It was lovely like hearing eileen practicing. Beautiful strong lyrics. Revolt played me Kool Mo Dee "I Go to Work" which was motherfucking genius. He is in some bad pain. His right arm is not doing well. But he is super happy. He talked about how happy he was that the mixtape ended up bringing people together creatively more than he realized it would because they worked together on it. It is meant for activists and radicals to refresh and sustain them. He worked super hard on the sound clips and we talked about making a malcolm x torrent that is better than the one that's out there (there is only one! ridiculous) I said not a lot of people had responded to the mixtape and he gently said that it was not really meant FOR liberals which is probably who is on my FB. Oh thanks dude! ahahahah. Well! Not gonna lie. Mostly true.
Here is the mixtape. it is free! http://blacklivesmatter.bandcamp.com/releases
Tru has a story and a song at the end.
I then worked. (whew) Did many different small things. Emailed people. Followed up on shit. Etc. C. cleaned the fridge which was something I could just not do as it meant taking out all the drawers and shelves. I dont even know how she did it. Careful manipulation of things diagonally. Anyway she saved us all from the consequences of an entire gallon of orange juice having gone under the veggie drawers. I mopped as much up as i could on Sunday but it was nasty. And, she took away all the cardboard and did an asston of laundry. And was lovely company as always. I invited her to dinner but she went home.... Long day.....
A. got home around 6. Did her homework. She was pleased to have people there that were not just me. Realized I was stiffening up and in pain. We got bbq. all too tired to cope with idea of making tacos as i had planned. A. and I discussed her birthday party and looked at photos of her over the ages. She was very cute in the past, as was Moomin. They are still cute. But they were differently cute.
D. is working probably all night tonight. He has not quite got back onto a day schedule anyway. His friend Fakebit will be in town next week. Yay! I also invited damnedcolonial to stop over on her way through her North American Tour some months from now.
My mom was excited about the trailer and put it on her fb and her friend said i looked poised, professional and natural. hahahaahh. No really opposite of poised or professional. Actually, that is what not giving a fuck looks like. Natural I will give you. But it was nice my mom liked it.
Yesterday was horrible and I cried a lot and listened to emo music and Processed and then kept waking up in the night in cold sweats thinking of things. But as so often happens I woke up and just rode the day and was absolutely fine, if melancholy underneath. I thin this is a mixture of brain chemical luck, Stoic philosophy, resilience, and a dollop of embarrassing shallowness.
Tomorrow I hope to go heads down and concentrate harder on the things I am actually supposed to be doing for Goals that take continuous hours of concentration.
In bad pain now! Very sore. Must sleep! Drugs are good! I shoudl take tramadol immediately tomorrow morning and also tylenol.
Sticking to thoughts: Do not fuck myself up physically on this trip to sundance. Take it all easy. Stick to hotel room with D. and the soothing, healthy internet, which makes me Rest. Do not attempt to Explore all of SLC and park city in the cold in a scooter. Exploring can be for another time somewhere else. Specially planned. OK maybe a little breakfast-getting in downtown SLC. 2nd thought: Tentative 2-month goal to try driving (in 2 months-ish) to the pool at a non-PT, open swim or arthritis exercise class time. Is this theright goal? 6 month out, goal to drive there and walk in? Maybe realistic if I don't backslide/flare up. 3rd thought: kick ass at work. 4th thought: zine.